Our first Dare to Ask Question is from Amanda, in the USA.
Thanks for sharing your journey to discovery.
When faced with change, or a desire to change, how do I start implementing the change?
Living with change can be frightening and any practical advice or practices you can share will be much appreciated.
What worked for you?
Are there tools that you found valuable that you would mind sharing?
Thank you for your courage to Dare to Ask your question and for acknowledging that change is frightening.
When making any change (or decision) we are forced to look at the truth before we can pursue our desired outcome. All humans struggle with truth, as often the truth is not what we want to see or hear.
There are 4 components of truth that we need to examine before making a change.
- Our BELIEFS
- Our BEHAVIORS
- Our THOUGHTS
- Our SPOKEN WORDS
Let me share a personal story of change, so that I can illustrate my thinking.
As shared in my previous blog, in 2008 I was both unhappy and ill with chronic fatigue. This is when I started my Dare to Ask journey in pursuit of all my truth.
Over the previous 5 years I had gained about 20 pounds, and while my health was not good, I had also been working abnormally long hours. Though, no matter the chaos, I still exercised at least 4 times a week and had a healthy diet.
So how had I gained 20 pounds? I decided I needed to examine my Beliefs, Behaviors, Thoughts and Spoken Words to understand the TRUTH of my weight gain. After doing so, this is what I found.
- Weight gain is a result of quality and quantity of food and can be managed no matter any physiological impairment.
- I was exercising regularly.
- I was working very long hours.
- I was exhausted all of the time.
- I was suffering adrenal gland burnout (as is often the case with Chronic Fatigue).
- I was suddenly experiencing debilitating migraine attacks, some resulting in me being rushed to hospital.
- I was eating a relatively health diet.
- It was not my fault that I came from a family of stress eaters.
- It was not my fault that I was working such long hours.
- I was tired, and I was doing my best.
- I did not care that I had gained weight.
- My ill health was the cause of my weight gain.
My Spoken Words
- When a friend or two (okay lets be honest possibly 3 or more), felt the need to mention my ever-increasing weight my answer was always something along these lines, “I eat a healthy diet and I exercise regularly. It’s my metabolism as my adrenal gland has collapsed. Once my health improves, I will surely loose the weight.”
So you ask what worked for me?
First, I QUESTIONED the TRUTH of my Beliefs.
“Is weight gain a result of quality and quantity of food and can it be managed no matter any physiological impairment?”
With research, input from my doctor, and a dietician, I soon confirmed that this was a belief grounded in common sense and reality.
Once I felt comfortable that my belief was pretty sound, I then needed to get my Behaviors aligned with my Beliefs.
Second, I QUESTIONED the TRUTH of my Behavior
I was eating too much at every meal, and my daily box of candy wasn’t helping. Even the quantity of healthy food that I served myself each day was more than I needed.
Embarrassing, yes, but true. I needed to eat less. Admitting this really hurt my ego.
Next, I needed to get my Thoughts aligned with my Beliefs and Behaviors.
Thirdly, I QUESTIONED the TRUTH of my Thoughts
Though my family are indeed stress eaters, none of them were forcing the extra portions onto my plate. The truth was they did not even live in the same city. I was the only one dishing out larger portions of food and eating it.
No one was to blame for my weight gain. I was.
In truth, I did care that I had gained the extra weight. It made me unhappy and I needed to do something about it.
Now I needed to live in my Truth with my Spoken Words, without shame, blame or guilt.
So, lastly I QUESTIONED the TRUTH of my Spoken Words
When people commented on my weight gain or chubby cheeks, I decided to say, “Thank you. I noticed that over the last few years I have increasingly been eating more. Also, as a stress eater it’s been hard to change, and I’ve been making excuses. I am aware of my truth and how it makes me feel.”
Once my Beliefs, Behaviors, Thoughts and Spoken Words were aligned in Truth, I found courage to implement the obvious changes.
While this is a relatively simple example, the process is the same with any change.
Amanda, take a look at what you want to change and question your truth in relation to your Beliefs, Behaviors, Thoughts and Spoken Words. See if they are aligned.
Tap into your inner wisdom and find the courage to stare your truth in the face. You will see where the fear arises.
Here you will understand that fear is just a belief, thought, behavior or spoken words. All can be changed. Then step out from behind your fear and start to make the change.
Amanda, know that change is the most fearful when we find that our beliefs are not grounded or reasonable. This is when change is the most difficult. But remember it is still a CHOICE to stay stuck behind this fear.
So, I encourage you to stay with us on the Dare to Ask journey as we continue to examine our beliefs with the topics of suffering, forgiveness, pain, acceptance, true will, intrinsic value, self-love and life’s purpose. We will explore and share tools and practices for awareness and implementation along the way.
Once you can find courage to question your beliefs, your thoughts, behaviors and spoken words in truth, you can implement lasting change without fear and more compassion for yourself and others, letting go of judgment.
As always warm love and regards,