How to CONNECT with all Others: Part 3 of 4
Our final Topic of the Dare to Ask Journey deals with Life’s Purpose.
Many of us confuse Life’s Purpose with what we do for a living. Our confusion is easily understood as we have grown up in a time where our education has been focused on the mind and the body, and valuing what we produce with our minds and bodies.
While what we do certainly adds meaning to our daily lives and honors our Intrinsic Value, our Purpose in this life is opening to Love which goes back over a thousand years to the simple journey of ‘Know Thyself’.
From the early philosophers and theologians advising us to ‘Know Thyself’ to the most current self-help, psychological, coaching, mystical and spiritual teachings advocating a journey of Self-Love, the fundamental questions are always the same:
- Who are we?
- Why are we here?
- What purpose do we serve as human beings with the life that we have been given?
Your individual Dare to Ask Journey has had you learning to access the ability to SEE, ACCEPT and LOVE yourself for this very purpose.
When living on or in Purpose you can bring forth kindness with all of your thoughts, behavior and spoken words.
Like me, I am sure that you have seen along the way that this isn’t always easy. We need to remember that the journey is never-ending and always an ongoing process. When you trip over yourself in the difficult moments and disconnect, the inner work of ‘Knowing Thyself’ is to remind you to stay connected to your Individual Spirit, so that you can Witness your thoughts, words and deeds. From this courageous space of consciousness, you can remind yourself that you have a choice to self-correct, accept and love yourself no matter your human behavior, beyond the pain of any guilt, shame or blame story.
Let me share an example of how I recently tripped over my human self when I got triggered and disconnected from my Spiritual Self.
I’ve moved home in the last 2 weeks and this saw me going to a local furniture and appliance store to buy various items. I love this retailer and have never had a problem with their products or service before. However, over this two-week period I had three situations with this retailer which triggered me.
So how did I respond?
Was I able to witness myself and access the ability to stop myself in the moment of observation and bring forth kindness in each situation?
Let me tell you about one situation where I did not:
I needed to return an appliance I’d bought at this store as I believed it wasn’t working properly. At first I was calm as I felt my claim was legitimate. But when the sales supervisor spoke to me with a disdainful attitude, I got seriously triggered! I felt my body contract, but I managed to stay calm, accessed my Spirit and refrained from responding unkindly in that moment.
But when she next accused me of something that simply wasn’t true, (she said I must have used the appliance on a building site!) I got really upset! I expressed my frustration firmly, yet she wasn’t in the least interested in being open to my point of view and was once again rude to me. So, I told her I no longer wished to speak to her and turned to another sales assistant and asked for the manager. While waiting for the manager the supervisor came to apologize to me. By now, however, I was too angry to hear her and disconnected from kindness / love. Even though I was aware of my Spirit watching, begging me to accept her apology, I turned and said instead,
“Please understand that I asked you to go away, I do not wish to hear your apology.”
Ouch! I had allowed her original unkindness towards me to trigger me to the point where I could not bring forth kindness myself. I felt sad at my behavior and feelings of shame pressed through. Karma! This was so unnecessary, especially as I could see exactly what I was doing! But my unhealthy ego was holding on so tightly in that moment, all it could focus on was seeking revenge.
By the time I’d wrapped up the business of speaking to the manager and buying another appliance I was running very late for my next appointment. As I left, I asked the second sales assistant who was helping me to please tell the supervisor that I apologized for not being able to accept her apology. The sales assistant said she was not surprised and implied that others too found her style of communicating disrespectful. I told her that didn’t matter and to please pass my message on all the same. I had found the courage to access kindness and in so doing release the pain of my trigger and accept the supervisor for all her humanness, no matter my experience or the negative stories surrounding her.
In this way, I could let go of blaming her or feeling any guilt of shame for my unkindness. I was thankfully able to recognize both our humanity and accept our perfect imperfections. I could learn and grow from this pain experience by being conscious of my thoughts, words and deeds.
I am returning there tomorrow to buy something else .
Once fully integrated in Spirit, soul, mind and body as a human being, we start to see that our Purpose with the life we have been given is to transcend ourselves as humans in our moments of discomfort and open to Love for self and all others, moment by moment by moment. Viktor Frankls’ book, Man’s Search for Meaning is a great example of this. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it.
In terms of my own reading and research, I believe that Socrates, Jesus and Buddha are some of the finest teachers and models we have for how to live on or in Purpose.
May we as humans who currently walk this earth continue to turn to their teachings and great work, as a way for understanding all that is possible beyond negativity and or unkindness, when fully integrated with Self and connected with Love / God.
Before tackling exercise 19 I want to share one of the greatest gifts I have received from God / Universe, a poem that is the core foundation of my Dare to Ask platform.
In order to change we need to suffer forgiveness
in forgiveness we expose and mourn our pain
in pain we bare our soul to acceptance
in acceptance we surrender fear to our truth
in truth we free courage to trust our true will
in true will we find compassion to honor our intrinsic value
in intrinsic value our soul nature unveils self-love
in self-love space opens to the essential peace of life’s purpose.
Exercise 19 – Practicing Grace while being human
Intended outcome of this exercise:
- To remind yourself of your human limitations while remaining open for continued expansion and growth.
- To remain gracefully present with Self.
- To re-commit to your Spirit, soul, mind and body practices.
Over the next 2 weeks undertake the exercises below. Download your journal pages for exercise 19 here.
If you have completed exercise 1 to 18 you will be ready for this next exercise.
Over the next two weeks make a concerted effort to notice whenever you are triggered, either in the moment or after, and then ask yourself these daring questions.
- Were you able to stop in the moment and not simply react to the situation at hand?
- If YES: Journal about how in witnessing yourself and remaining connected to your individual Spirit, you could bring forth kindness in your thoughts, behavior and words no matter your trigger.
- If NO: Journal about the ways you could have handled the situation differently and brought forth kindness in the moment.
- In both instances journal about the possible stories of blame, shame or guilt that might arise in your thoughts or your narrative about others.
- Journal and or meditate on letting go of these stories.
- Celebrate all that you can SEE about your thoughts, behaviors and spoken words.
- Celebrate your growth and ability to access the courage of your Spirit to bring forth Love / Kindness in your thoughts, behaviors and spoken words.
Recommit to your heart-opening practices for your Spirit, soul, mind and body.
- Take time to re-explore and recommit to your practice for expanding your Spirit, soul, mind and body from exercises 13, 14, 15 and 16. Remember when undertaking your daily prayer / gratitude practice from exercise 13, take the time to include a blessing for your enemies and / or strangers or people on another continent that you believe to be in distress.
- During this 2-week period make time to undertake the meditation from exercise 18, two to four times a week.
If you have questions about opening to the essential peace of Life’s Purpose, either submit your question in the comments section below or in a private note here (link). Share with all of us what you have learned about yourself or how you would like to expand and change your way of being. You can share through the same links above.
I love you all for your courage.
As always, warm love and regards