It feels like someone hijacked my life 9 months ago, or life as I know it.
Wait a minute… stop!
Let’s be honest, it’s life that keeps me joyful, in flow and connected to Source/Love/God. While I am at it, I admit that I am tempted to blame others or external circumstance for this; be it a friend in need, my financial advisory work, a client in distress, a personal disappointment or a significant health challenge that I faced over this same period.
But where is this blaming going to get me? How is complaining going to get me back to my writing?
Well is isn’t!
The truth is, no outside force hijacked me. I know that consciousness and self-care are the only way to keep my spirit, body, mind and soul connected to Love. Yet despite knowing this, despite my life experiences, and my education in this field, I still went down the rabbit hole of indulging in behaviours that don’t serve me.
The question that came up for me once again was:
• Why do I repeat these destructive behaviours?
I had to go deep to find the answer and what I came to realise was this: Sometimes I just don’t know when to quit.
Quit being negative that is!
Let’s go back to the root of what I write about. My call to action from God/Love is rather simple. For those of you who don’t know it, let me introduce it to you.
“There are only 2 ways to Be in life, to Be Love or Not.”
I use the capital B for Be as this state of Being refers to the Spirit of who we all are, the Spirit of Devine Love that allows us to access the courage to Be Loving and kind in all that we believe, think, say and do. It is the Spirit of Devine Love that affords our individual soul, body and mind to manifest beliefs filled with Love through kind thoughts, words and deeds.
So how was I getting it wrong? What behaviour was I perpetuating that was keeping me away from my writing?
Well I chose to put the needs of a client and a close friend ahead of my own needs, even though they never asked me to. While I did it with a smile on my face, part of me inside resented my offer to help, as opposed to feeling grateful that I had the time and space to help. As someone who travels with CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) with a severely compromised immune system, weak adrenal glands and chronic fibromyalgia, I got angry about my health condition flaring up again and so I suffered. I forgot to see it as the gift I know it to be. I was disappointed that my ex-husband went back on a promise he made me last year and another a few years ago, as opposed to being grateful for the experience just as it is. I could not inform him of my sadness in a kind and loving way. I was washing all of my challenges in negativity and not Love.
It was the negativity that brought me to my knees; not the challenges I faced. Once again, my attitude towards my circumstances had failed me.
7 years ago, after becoming aware of my disconnection from Love/God I realised it was my destiny to write about how our human challenges are a gift from Love. With this in mind I have spent these years developing practices to silence my violent inner critic as a reminder that our difficulties in life are a way to open to and connect to the universal Spirit of Love, but here I was falling over again.
So what did I have to do AGAIN to step away from this negativity?
I had to stop, self-reflect and be open to an honest assessment of my behaviours.
Putting judgment aside I could open to compassion to see that I had pulled away from my daily practices of meditation and prayer; justifying that getting to it once or twice a week was sufficient. I noticed that I had stopped reading life-enriching material; getting caught up in watching soul-sucking series on television. My exercise routine had shifted to mainly weight training as I slipped back into an egocentric narrative with my body. With this shift, I had moved away from grounding movement that balances me, for example, yoga, hiking or a gentle walk in nature. Added to this I was eating more takeout food, overeating and drinking every week as opposed to my usual one or two drinks a month coupled with healthy eating. In each instance, I blamed my behaviour on either a lack of time, low energy or the weight I was starting to gain. I could now see that I had slipped back into the underlying belief of blame. A belief severely lacking Love.
Once I was this honest all I could do was make a conscious decision to quit blaming and bring balance back into my life, or not.
I have chosen to quit my habit of ‘blaming my circumstances’ (without judging or beating myself up for having slipped – because I admit I was judging myself as well) and get back to the practices that I know ground and connect me to Love. I am sure I will trip a few times along the way, but I have made a promise to Be Love for myself if and when I do, as all of this is merely a reminder of my human fragility and of how hard it is to break a habit that does not serve us in body, mind and soul.
By getting back to my practices I am already finding flow and opening to multiple opportunities daily to see how I can Be Love and once again saying yes to life. I can easily assess and see that in the powerful softness of this approach to life I am once again more courageous, kinder and capable of standing in my power.
I am taking one small step each day back towards my writing. I have just finished the final proof of my manuscript after this nine-month break; I’m back on my cushion for my meditation practice; I’m available at night for my prayer practice; I’m reading life enriching material; I’m back on my yoga mat; I’m frolicking in nature once more and I’m back at my desk allowing Source to flow through my writing, all the while still enjoying fabulous body-enriching food, a good movie or TV show and pushing those weights at gym with Love.
But before I sign off and thank you for sticking with me through my journey, Dare to Ask yourself what behaviours are you stuck in that might be keeping you from living in flow, filled with joy? What beliefs do you have that are keeping you from the Spirit of Love that allows you manifest kind and loving thoughts, words and deeds, through your body, mind and soul.
With gratitude for your continued support and the universal Spirit of Love.
Warm love and regards,
‘Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.’ Viktor E. Frankl