Time to Quit! Again!

It feels like someone hijacked my life 9 months ago, or life as I know it.

Wait a minute… stop!

Let’s be honest, it’s life that keeps me joyful, in flow and connected to Source/Love/God. While I am at it, I admit that I am tempted to blame others or external circumstance for this; be it a friend in need, my financial advisory work, a client in distress, a personal disappointment or a significant health challenge that I faced over this same period.

But where is this blaming going to get me? How is complaining going to get me back to my writing?

Well is isn’t!

The truth is, no outside force hijacked me. I know that consciousness and self-care are the only way to keep my spirit, body, mind and soul connected to Love. Yet despite knowing this, despite my life experiences, and my education in this field, I still went down the rabbit hole of indulging in behaviours that don’t serve me.
The result: I fell over. Again!

The question that came up for me once again was:
• Why do I repeat these destructive behaviours?

I had to go deep to find the answer and what I came to realise was this: Sometimes I just don’t know when to quit.

Quit being negative that is!

Let’s go back to the root of what I write about. My call to action from God/Love is rather simple. For those of you who don’t know it, let me introduce it to you.

“There are only 2 ways to Be in life, to Be Love or Not.”

I use the capital B for Be as this state of Being refers to the Spirit of who we all are, the Spirit of Devine Love that allows us to access the courage to Be Loving and kind in all that we believe, think, say and do. It is the Spirit of Devine Love that affords our individual soul, body and mind to manifest beliefs filled with Love through kind thoughts, words and deeds.

So how was I getting it wrong? What behaviour was I perpetuating that was keeping me away from my writing?

Well I chose to put the needs of a client and a close friend ahead of my own needs, even though they never asked me to. While I did it with a smile on my face, part of me inside resented my offer to help, as opposed to feeling grateful that I had the time and space to help. As someone who travels with CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) with a severely compromised immune system, weak adrenal glands and chronic fibromyalgia, I got angry about my health condition flaring up again and so I suffered. I forgot to see it as the gift I know it to be. I was disappointed that my ex-husband went back on a promise he made me last year and another a few years ago, as opposed to being grateful for the experience just as it is. I could not inform him of my sadness in a kind and loving way. I was washing all of my challenges in negativity and not Love.

It was the negativity that brought me to my knees; not the challenges I faced. Once again, my attitude towards my circumstances had failed me.

7 years ago, after becoming aware of my disconnection from Love/God I realised it was my destiny to write about how our human challenges are a gift from Love. With this in mind I have spent these years developing practices to silence my violent inner critic as a reminder that our difficulties in life are a way to open to and connect to the universal Spirit of Love, but here I was falling over again.

So what did I have to do AGAIN to step away from this negativity?

I had to stop, self-reflect and be open to an honest assessment of my behaviours.

Putting judgment aside I could open to compassion to see that I had pulled away from my daily practices of meditation and prayer; justifying that getting to it once or twice a week was sufficient. I noticed that I had stopped reading life-enriching material; getting caught up in watching soul-sucking series on television. My exercise routine had shifted to mainly weight training as I slipped back into an egocentric narrative with my body. With this shift, I had moved away from grounding movement that balances me, for example, yoga, hiking or a gentle walk in nature. Added to this I was eating more takeout food, overeating and drinking every week as opposed to my usual one or two drinks a month coupled with healthy eating. In each instance, I blamed my behaviour on either a lack of time, low energy or the weight I was starting to gain. I could now see that I had slipped back into the underlying belief of blame. A belief severely lacking Love.

Once I was this honest all I could do was make a conscious decision to quit blaming and bring balance back into my life, or not.

I have chosen to quit my habit of ‘blaming my circumstances’ (without judging or beating myself up for having slipped – because I admit I was judging myself as well) and get back to the practices that I know ground and connect me to Love. I am sure I will trip a few times along the way, but I have made a promise to Be Love for myself if and when I do, as all of this is merely a reminder of my human fragility and of how hard it is to break a habit that does not serve us in body, mind and soul.

By getting back to my practices I am already finding flow and opening to multiple opportunities daily to see how I can Be Love and once again saying yes to life. I can easily assess and see that in the powerful softness of this approach to life I am once again more courageous, kinder and capable of standing in my power.

I am taking one small step each day back towards my writing. I have just finished the final proof of my manuscript after this nine-month break; I’m back on my cushion for my meditation practice; I’m available at night for my prayer practice; I’m reading life enriching material; I’m back on my yoga mat; I’m frolicking in nature once more and I’m back at my desk allowing Source to flow through my writing, all the while still enjoying fabulous body-enriching food, a good movie or TV show and pushing those weights at gym with Love.

But before I sign off and thank you for sticking with me through my journey, Dare to Ask yourself what behaviours are you stuck in that might be keeping you from living in flow, filled with joy? What beliefs do you have that are keeping you from the Spirit of Love that allows you manifest kind and loving thoughts, words and deeds, through your body, mind and soul.

With gratitude for your continued support and the universal Spirit of Love.

Warm love and regards,


‘Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.’ Viktor E. Frankl

13 Responses

  1. Welcome back Jacqui
    I’m sure I speak for many when I say we all missed you and if only the rest of us would be as honest as you with ourselves this world would be a much better place.
    God bless you and stay STRONG

    1. Hi Paul, thank you for your continued encouragement. I have been working on completing my book and I am now focusing on securing an agent.
      The blogging will be back on track soon. Great to hear from you.
      Warm love and regards Jacqui

  2. That is quite the story Jacqui. I, as I believe you know am a recovering junkie and drunk, and have been in recovery most my life. I learned so far to never take the apple from the forbidden tree which is always so close by. Many of my friends have and it’s called a relapse. Like you are getting through now. I am joyful for you! I know it’s different and yet similar in some ways. With us with very addictive behaviors, each relapse becomes harder to get grounded again. We reach for the 12 steps or the 10 commandments, the 10 traditions of the Lakota native Indians, and the 8 of the Cree nations. They all are love and seeking wisdom (not intellect) to keep and become love. Jacqui do you ever notice that when it’s easy, it’s easy and when it’s hard, it’s hard? That is what I got from your honest open writing today. We are fragile people capable of falling into our negative traps as you said and that is just fabulous ok. We survey and do what it takes to climb out of that rabbit hole flying into the universe of love. We have to even if it is survival. For myself what works best is seeing and feeling the signs of God and his spirit in the earliest of stages so the darn rabbit hole has just started and we attack with love before it starts digging deep. Saved before suffering. Spreading love like a wild fire and being love. You Jacqui have helped me so much on my journey, thank you! Nature always works best for me too. I talk to the animals because if we don’t talk to them, we cannot understand them, and what we don’t understand, we fear, and what we fear, we destroy. Actually, it is a quote from Chief Dan George. You have a very special gift Jacqueline because you truly get being love, yes we still know your human and need and want your gift expressed to us on our journey with you. Lots of love to you, hope with my heart you will keep us grounded with your writings of being Love

    1. Ah, Russell, you continue to delight and inspire me. You teach and challenge me along the way.
      Thank you for your kind words of support and encouragement.
      I too speak to animals and recently helped save a neighbors cat, who only needed talking to in order to return home.
      Your words are wise and just the other day I was exposed to great teaching yet again. I had the privilege of sitting in on employee interviews with a company that was going through a restructuring.
      I was so very deeply moved by each personal story and what it taught me, as I am by yours, that it has brought me back to my desk to write write write.
      I will publish more blogs soon, but my mother is currently walking a road with stage 4 cancer, and so between my work as a financial strategist and making time to be with my mom, my writing voice has not had much time to express itself. But it is still here and I will be with you all again soon. My mother is the greatest teacher of how to Be Love that I have ever met, so I don’t doubt that this extra time I spend with her will bear fruit that will convert pen to paper.
      The student and teacher of love in me, bows to the student and teacher of love in you.
      Warm love and regards,

  3. Oh thank you for this amazing reminder that I too am stuck and need to re-examine and re-think and get back to basics.

    1. Hi Bronwyn,
      Thank you for sharing your message. I hope that your re-think gave you the gems that you were looking for.
      I confess that life has thrown me a few more curveballs, but this time I am definitely approaching it with a banner of love for self and the circumstances, allowing flow ‘to flow’.
      While the circumstances are taking me away from my writing, it has not taken me away from my spirit. And when the negative voice tries to raise its head, I find it easier to silence now that I am back to my practices.
      Warm love and regards, and stay connected.

  4. Love and prayers to you and your mother!
    Of course, every second of you and your mother is changing before your eyes together. You now see love at it’s finest and saddest hour. You taught me to keep daring to love. Just to dare, how nice is that! I will wait patiently and eagerly to hear your writing voice again. Thoughts to you and your family Jaqui.

    1. Hi Russell,
      I trust that this note finds you well. It has been a long time since we touched base, but I have been focusing on getting my book through final production.
      I would so appreciate it if you read it, and then do let me know your thoughts after all these years of sharing your story with me.
      Herewith a link. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1990983928?pf_rd_r=PKX1PZFHB0559SWXV1A2&pf_rd_p=edaba0ee-c2fe-4124-9f5d-b31d6b1bfbee
      Please stay in touch and let me know how you’re doing.
      Warmest love and regards

  5. Hi Jacqueline! Ii sure have missed ya. Last I was able to read was January 2022. The story of you and your mom is love. The story of your cat is how to live as with all the creatures of the earth. I could go on forever with the wild animals. Jacqui I have been really well and always knew I would here from you again. I live with the love of nature and. I will say it’s wonderful to hear from you and brings joy !!!!!!!!

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