Last month I was asked by a stranger how long it has taken me to complete my book.
My answer, “My entire life.”
While my response saw us both laugh, since making this statement I have been reflecting on my intrinsic value as a writer.
For those of you who know me or my writing, you will know that I first thought I would write with the intention of helping others as a young girl at age 12. This tender desire aside, I only managed to commit to this a few years ago in my late 40’s.
Why did it take me so long?
Besides life throwing me a few curve balls over the decades, underneath it all I confess that I alone doubted my intrinsic value as a writer. Even once I committed to writing full time, I have faced many obstacles, from external life challenges to doubt from friends and family alike, feeding my inner questions and doubt yet again.
Let me share one of my most interesting challenges I faced just before launching my website. A challenge that saw me once again doubt my intrinsic value and nearly give up.
In 2013 when I had just completed the first draft of my book I was rambling around trying to decide what I would call my book and at the same time create a tagline for my website and my writing.
Undecided, I decided to hand my question over to My Council. A few days later it hit me like a bolt of lightning while taking a shower. Suddenly it all made sense! My council was Love / God and it was God that I was in conversation with. In that moment, I was convinced I was the first person with such a brilliant idea so I immediately phoned my dear friend Amanda.
With water dripping all over the floor I said, “Amanda I’ve got it. I know what I must call my book. I am going to call it Conversations with God.”
Amanda, an avid reader, laughed so hard I felt a pang of fear and then almost a sense of shame as she revealed to me that there was another human being on this planet of 7 billion who had already called his book, ‘Conversations with God.’
My mind raced with oh no, oh no, oh no, what am I going to do now as I once again doubted my intrinsic value. I heard myself asking, “Has it all be a waste of time?”
I was reminded of this conversation a few weeks ago when a client of mine said to me, “Jacqui you know at times you sound like Esther Hicks.” After my client shared her thoughts with me I raced to the book store and bought myself a copy of ‘Ask and it is Given, by Esther and Jerry Hicks’.
Upon reading the Introduction to Abraham by Esther Hicks I immediately wanted to meet Esther to hug and thank her as I felt so normal in her reflection. While it is Abraham who speaks to her, or rather to us through her, what I call My Council speaks to me or through me in my writing and poetry.
Why is this so meaningful for me?
There are a few reasons, but beyond the judgment from others that I feared, it was my own internal judgment as I doubted myself, and therefore my intrinsic value as a writer in a world where so many of us are wanting to share the same message.
Now as my book, I Dared to Ask, goes for proofing next month, I am so thankful for honoring my intrinsic value to share my story in writing, and I am eternally grateful for all the amazing teachers that are also on this journey of consciousness as we Dare to Ask ourselves to Be Love in all that we Believe, Think, Say and Do.
As an avid reader myself, I have just bought Neal Donald Walsch’s ‘Conversations with God’ collection. I know that I will love every minute of his writings and that they will open my individual Spirit further. But I also know that as with Ask and it is Given, I will question why these books never crossed my path earlier in my life. At the same time I surrender this question to My Council I know the answer will simply be the acceptance of what is, making now, this moment, the perfect time for me to savor and enjoy these writings.
I remain grateful that I have embarked on the journey of consciousness, and as a student and teacher of life, I bow to all the great teachers, past, present and future, as I bow to the student and teacher of life in each of you, my readers.
If you have a personal story or question about a time when you nearly gave up, take a moment to share it with us in the comments section below so that we can grow from your experience.
Until next month, stay daring and courageous as you continually open your Spirit (Self) to Being Love in all that you Believe, Think, Say and Do.
Warm love and regards
Jacqui Hi!, so nice to read your writing this month. I never noticed or doubted your intrinsic writings. So this was a surprise, and as I reflected on you, realized, you write on that journey of consciousnes, what you could call truth. This made it so cool and great and love. If we start or seek truth, as my higher power which is God says it will set you free. Sure hope I will find your book when released. Thank you!
I felt like giving up last year when I went to a place called Sacred Stone which was the front line of a reservation called Standing Rock. A peaceful protest over an oil pipeline here in the USA. When I personally witnessed the national guard, army core of engineers, full military, police from 13 states, sheriff of Morton county and illegal mercenaries called Tiger Swan do full terrorism on us, mostly Native Americans , even dropping powder on us at night with military helicopters which has caused long term breathing problems for many. I could go on and on but you get the idea and the mainstream media telling their lies as they are owned by these companies and governments. I thought this could never happen in our country as all we did was pray and show love. After being scared for a day, sadness overtook me for I couldn’t forgive. Then after a couple weeks I just went about it that it is alright to hate what my fellow man is doing and still love my fellow man as my wonderful brother Indians were doing. I regained my spiritual journey and am grateful I was there to help those I could with love.
I learn so much from you Jacqui and hope you keep inspiring myself and others with your intrinsic, truthful writings that beam with love!
Wonderful to hear from you again. It is indeed a great joy when we realize we can love another unconditionally, while not necessarily liking or agreeing with their choices based on our own perspective of right and wrong. Beyond this we can open to the question of that which lies beyond this truth, opening to complete love for ‘what is’, beyond the human illusion story of ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. When we are ‘right-hearted’ all judgments cease to exist as we open to compassion and love for ‘what is’.
As always, warm love and regards,
Now that takes me on the right path in this journey. Thanks and bless you!