I am always in awe of how when I am totally myself, Love arrives. I am most aware of this these days when I’m with my mother.
The journey to the Spirit of who we are sees us exposing the hidden parts of ourselves; the secrets that we keep. I am in the process of editing my book which shares my hidden self and as I read the stories of my secret guilt, shame and blame, I wonder yet again why it was so important to keep these stories secret in the first place. That said, I was recently asked by a close friend why it’s so important to share these stories now in a book for all the world to see. What about the people I love dearly who were a part of those stories, how will it affect them, he asked.
My short answer is, “My daily work and writing is all about raising consciousness. Consciousness requires us to love and honor the journey that we have traveled, as each of ourjourneys is to be remembered, celebrated, cherished and shared just for what it is.”
I have an overwhelming desire to see as many people as possible in the world wake up to Love and Compassion. This process requires a lot of self-reflection and courage to move past our individual shame, guilt and blame stories. I share my stories and open my vulnerable Self / Spirit, I share my tears and my pain as I know how tough opening to a complete Love is. I share my stories because while each of our stories is different, what we share are the common emotions we attach to our stories. It is these emotions that keep us locked in various psychological illnesses like depression, post-traumatic-stress and dissociative disorders, in other words, when living in the fear to face of our full story and therefore unable to live fully with Love for what is. I share how I have overcome the pain from my life traumas as an inspirational tool for others to access, so that they too may find a way to overcome their shame, guilt and blame stories.
Each person who has traveled with me, whether as lover, enemy, family, friend, stranger or foe is dear to me and loved, by me. Each one is an angel who came to help me along my journey and to open my heart deeper and deeper to all that is Love. Each one of them is in me, a part of me and as human beings of Spirit, each one of us is no different from the other.
I love and respect my mother dearly and I know well that my sharing affects her more than any other human being I refer to in my blogs or in my book. My mother is indeed one of the most courageous and spiritual people I know. Last year, the night before we buried my father I got a message from a client who thanked me for helping her reconnect with her estranged father. I was lying in bed, feeling sad and thinking how I myself could not get it right with my dad. My mom walked into the room and saw my tears. She sat on the bed with me and I shared my client’s message and then my pain, “Mom, how is it I have managed to help so many others repair damaged relationships and yet dad and I couldn’t get it right.” My mother stroked back my hair, tucked it behind my ear and said, “I don’t know Jacqueline, but promise me you won’t stop doing what you are doing.”
Celebrating my god-mothers 80th birthday party the other day, my mother and I sat with two of my cousins chatting. One cousin expressed yet again her deep challenge with my relationship with God and faith. My mother, a devout Christian, responded to her questioning by saying, “I don’t always agree with everything that Jacqueline says, but we all have an individual relationship with God, we each have our own truth.” My mother’s words hit me like a bolt of lightning as I felt so seen, accepted and loved by her in that moment.
I reflected on the journey my mother and I have consciously chosen to travel together over the last few years. This journey has included us communicating more, by talking and writing. We even spent time in therapy together, and in this process we committed to a way that would allow each of us to have our individual say, share our individual perspective and see where that would take us. At times this has been difficult for each of us, but we have committed to loving each other no matter our individual frustrations by keeping our communication flexible, honest and above all open to love and acceptance of the other’s truth/perspective.
In this new way of being together, my mother and I have worked on creating space for us to be ourselves and it is in this space that I believe Love / God is found. We share our individual perspectives and as it lands in this space, we no longer seem to have the desire to change the other’s truth. With God / Love present it is easy as we have faith that our individual truth is infused with peace and harmony. As our stuff lands in between us, we are seldom triggered as we know it is held safely in this space and when we are triggered we can now communicate it honestly and receive it from each other just for what it is. In this space of complete acceptance, we remain joined together in our individual truths, and this has brought us closer together. We now live in peace, side by side with Love present at all times.
It is here that my mother and I are opening to a relationship that offers more laughs, more tears, more hugs and more joy. As we have opened our space of God / Love from the TRUTH of our Individual WILL, acceptance and love have arrived.
All change begins with the individual, with ourselves. I spent too many years pretending to be somebody I wasn’t. I realized that I had to learn to live with full integrity and love for myself before I could find this space for others.
So I share my stories as a teaching tool for how I have to continue to walk my talk, and when I stumble as we all do and will in this life, I now stop, reflect and re-integrate. I needed to learn to take care of myself first as an integrated Spirit in soul, mind and body. Before I understood this truth, I had to see how not taking care of myself affected my relationships and my health, with debilitating Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, because I worked too hard while remaining fast asleep/unconscious myself. I was simply not capable of seeing how my ways of being impacted me, others and the greater world. Too often I gave to others at a huge cost to myself thinking I was being fair or generous. It only brought me to my knees. I can now see how my unhealthy ego danced between being egotistical and stepping into the equally dangerous space of false humility.
So, as I remain a student in this life, I work daily to be myself and allow others to see my most vulnerable places as I continue to strive to keep the balance between these two parts that are within all of us.
The more deeply we care for ourselves and come forth into the world from a space of true will, the more natural it becomes to care for others, be it our friends, family, strangers, our global community or all that supports us in nature and our environment. When we make our choices from the space of Love, we are In Spirit and all stories of judgment, fear and dogma fade into insignificance as we live side by side, in harmony; and there is always enough space in us and between us for Love.
For my mother, a quote from the Bible, a book I too respect and admire deeply, ‘For God is love……..No man has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.’ 1 John 4:12.
Until next month, stay daring and courageous as you continually open your individual Spirit (Self) to Being Love in all that you Believe, Think, Say and Do.
Warm love and regards
Perfectly Imperfect Author and Speaker, Spiritual Revolutionary and Warrior of Self
Awesome writing, so profound and deep and yet you have put it in such a beautiful and easy way for your readers to understand and grow in love.
God Bless you.
Hi Paul, how lovely to hear from you and just this morning I was wondering how you are doing.
Thanks for the continued support and kind words.
God Bless and have a lovely day.
Hi Jacqueline! So refreshing to read what you had to say this month. I was reminiscing on my life yesterday and seems to fit into a lot of what I read today. I have been able to learn to love, a lot to do with people in my past, forgiveness to myself and others who hurt me. You talked about secrets and why we keep them which I was actually thinking about yesterday. I have learned to share many of these in groups as I am a recovering addict for almost 30 years. Yesterday I put my two biggest in a timetable of my live from childhood to 4 years into being clean. Where I really began my journey about love. And so much of my timeline was lived with rejection, fear of rejection, which led to resentments. Then at the peak of my drug and alcohol addiction the feeling of being worthless with nothing to offer good to anyone. It really amazes me how much of my life was lived with these emotions. And now I am like whats to hide about my past, a lot of people can relate. And now I don’t have these emotions, not for a very long time and pray for every one as much as I can. I now know where there is love and charity there is God. Always inspired by what you write Jacqueline. You have such a gift that you share with honesty and openness. Thank you for using your gift to the fullest!
You make me smile, my entire family call me by my full name, Jacqueline, seeing it here in writing, from you, made me giggle.
Firstly, how awesome, 30 years, I salute you. Added to this you share a part of your journey so openly and vulnerably with all of us.
Russell, we all have addictions, no one of us is excluded from this journey, few have the courage to admit it. I know it was hell for me. Sure some of ours, like yours press on the law and a strong societal narrative. I still wonder when they will make ego addiction illegal, as it sure brings unkindness, war, and unrest into our world – but that is a whole other discussion. I am glad I have kicked mine to the curb.
I feel that every human being would benefit from listening to the voice within, so that we can silence the negativity, open to Love and know that with Love we are all undivided and one.
God bless you for being on this planet to share your story.
Love and strength to you, and stay connected and daring to Be Love for Self and all others.
Warm love and regards
Hi Jacqui – Lovely blog. Life journeys are at once similar and unique. Similar in that we all blips of joy and dips of grief in long (and sometimes short) spells of humdrum; and unique in that we each attach very personal significance to the blips and dips. The blips always feel too short-lived and the dips seem interminable. And the only way to get proper perspective is to share the journey. To your point – love unites. Just as I read your blog, a thought occurred to me. Are the social networks we build on the internet God’s response to the death of the extended family? Yes, a lot of bad things happen within some networks, but so did they also happen in some extended families – jealousy, abuse, greed, feuds and worse. But for the most part, great good has come out of networks – friendships, solidarity (my thoughts are with the folks in Houston this morning), reconciliations (at least the beginnings of them), cooperation, collaborations and love in all its many forms. Perhaps this is what your blog is contributing to – the new extended family, the one we choose and the one that unites? Whatever, I enjoy your blogs a lot, even as I seldom comment. Strength to your arm! (Apologies for the extended comment. It’s not a co-blog).
Ah my friend, my kindred Spirit.
Yes, yes, yes the Spirit of Love /God speaks through all of it, but there is no doubt that when we meet as humans, eye to eye, we allow a vulnerability and truth to appear where Love/God cannot be suppressed or denied; in eye contact. You and I know well the tears and laughs we share over a good meal when we are in the same city and make time to meet.
I believe they each have their place in our fractured world, it is important to remember that each form of communication has multiple gifts, albeit also and always, a few limitations.
I attended a Presbyterian Church from time to time when I lived in Toronto. The retiring Minister gave the most beautiful sermon on how family are those we invite to our table. This opened my heart more and more as members of the church community invited into their homes, me, a stranger in their city. It was these people that encouraged me to question and find God outside the Church as well within. I have learnt that the communities I believe that certain Social media platforms are a form of community (family) and when they are filled with unlimited kindness, inclusion, unity and a space for the questioning mind, then Love/God always appear for me.
All my love, Jacqui